I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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