you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
