May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
