I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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