just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
