My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
