gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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