maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
