tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
