He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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