we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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