perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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