if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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