Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
