They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
