I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
