we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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