She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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