I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
