piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
