HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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