Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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