tell your sister to shave her snatch
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I see more hoeing in ur future
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