a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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