so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
