We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
