Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize