Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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