oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
