Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize