He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
