My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
