Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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