Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
