Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize