I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
