Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
