I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
