if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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