did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
