Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you win again, gameday.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
