Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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