i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
