Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
