guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize