Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
