you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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