For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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