What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
