I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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