I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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