i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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