I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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