Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sext me about skeletons
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
