At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
