I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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