So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
