Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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