is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We had to coat check the pizza.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
