Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
