wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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