Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
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