Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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