Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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