I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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