just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
