Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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