i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
