which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
