So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
im on a boat
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