I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
