I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
