I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Vodka?
Forever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
