Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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