she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
this boner is exhausting
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
