Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
